Thora didn’t drink coffee, as far as I knew, but I knew she needed something after crying like that and I couldn’t really offer her a cigarette, which is what I would have wanted.
I herded her into the kitchen, put her in a chair and put a fresh pot on. I sat down. I was tired after watching her cry all this time, even though the daylight was coming in full through the windows. All the sun did was make me want to take a nap. I didn’t know what I was going to do. How I was possibly going to fix all of it. The cards were already maxed out. I was just barely able to make the interest payments.
“When did it start?” I asked.
“About four months ago,” she said. She said it easily. That was one thing about Thora: if it were me, having now to confess to my mother, I would still consider lying, still weigh how things would be taken. But Thora just told the truth, sort of matter of factly, and seemed relieved.
“How did it start?”
“A tickle fight,” she said. As though that explained everything. How could she know that it mattered to me who touched who first, who kissed who, what happened next?
“Did he take advantage of you?” I asked.
“No,” she said, shook her head and smiled.
“He’s a lot older than you,” I began, but she cut me off.
“I kissed him,” she said.
“Still—” I said.
“I begged him to fuck me for weeks before he would.”
I felt like I had been hit in the face and so I got up to pour us coffee. Her thirteen was certainly different than mine had been.
“Do you take cream and sugar?” I asked her.
“Four sugars, no cream,” she said, “Listen, it’s the one thing Eddie always worried about and so I have to tell you—everything was always what I wanted. He never made me do anything, not one thing. It’s my fault too and if you want to punish anyone it should be me.”
“Four sugars!” Her teeth would rot right out of her head.
“Mom,” Thora said and stared at me.
I herded her into the kitchen, put her in a chair and put a fresh pot on. I sat down. I was tired after watching her cry all this time, even though the daylight was coming in full through the windows. All the sun did was make me want to take a nap. I didn’t know what I was going to do. How I was possibly going to fix all of it. The cards were already maxed out. I was just barely able to make the interest payments.
“When did it start?” I asked.
“About four months ago,” she said. She said it easily. That was one thing about Thora: if it were me, having now to confess to my mother, I would still consider lying, still weigh how things would be taken. But Thora just told the truth, sort of matter of factly, and seemed relieved.
“How did it start?”
“A tickle fight,” she said. As though that explained everything. How could she know that it mattered to me who touched who first, who kissed who, what happened next?
“Did he take advantage of you?” I asked.
“No,” she said, shook her head and smiled.
“He’s a lot older than you,” I began, but she cut me off.
“I kissed him,” she said.
“Still—” I said.
“I begged him to fuck me for weeks before he would.”
I felt like I had been hit in the face and so I got up to pour us coffee. Her thirteen was certainly different than mine had been.
“Do you take cream and sugar?” I asked her.
“Four sugars, no cream,” she said, “Listen, it’s the one thing Eddie always worried about and so I have to tell you—everything was always what I wanted. He never made me do anything, not one thing. It’s my fault too and if you want to punish anyone it should be me.”
“Four sugars!” Her teeth would rot right out of her head.
“Mom,” Thora said and stared at me.
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